Password Changes You Can Believe In

by Kris Olson
Columnist

The password supplied does not meet the minimum complexity requirements.

Please select another password that meets all of the following criteria: is at least seven characters; has not been used in the previous four passwords; must not have been changed within the last seven days; does not contain your account or full name; contains at least three of the following four character groups: English uppercase characters (A through Z), English lowercase characters (a through z), English basket case characters (Cheshire Cat through the Artful Dodger), numerals (0 through 9); and includes: the middle initials of David Letterman, Lady Gaga, or the Wayans Brothers (but only the talented Wayans Brothers); a palindrome of no fewer than eight letters, but no more than 90, excluding “Ana, nab a banana,” “Sit on a potato pan, Otis,” and “Do geese see God?”; your cholesterol level; at least two digits from your scores on the SAT verbal section (we will accept the reading portion of the ACT, as well); the mean annual temperature of Des Moines, Iowa, converted to Celsius and then raised to the power of a random prime number, but not too random; an estimation of the number of wrinkles on Joe Lieberman’s butt multiplied by the average number of men in the Minnesota Vikings’ huddle during their final drive of the NFC Championship game; a humorous anagram containing the letters in “Kazakhstan”; your number of Facebook friends divided by the number of those damned Farmville invitations you keep receiving; the meaning of life; special characters like $, % or #, but only if they follow an @, and not preceding an *, unless you have *&!/?^ in between two {}; your exact plan for reforming the health care system, including the number of senators you can convince to break a potential filibuster; between six and eight curse words, not counting those you’ve uttered in the last 10 minutes; your prediction of the point spread at this Sunday’s Super Bowl combined with the number of camera shots of a weeping Eli Manning; five to seven characters from the Greek alphabet; no spaces; and, of course, the number 42. Type a password which meets these requirements in both text boxes.

If your keyboard does not have Greek letter capabilities, contact the help desk as soon as possible.

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