Queer Eye for the Transy Guy

What does “Pink Houses” by John Mellencamp have in common with show choir? The answer probably is not that both are listened to by the Transylvania male community. However, dear readers, I’m here to change that.

So here’s what happened last week: Mellencamp’s song appeared alongside “Jessie’s Girl,” “The Boy is Mine,” “The Lady is a Tramp” and “Rose’s Turn” sung by various members of the fictitious New Directions Glee Club of Lima, Ohio. That’s what you missed on “Glee.” You may not be familiar with the premise, but each week a plot is loosely held together by songs from top-40 modern American culture, classic hits and musicals, sometimes with themes such as Madonna or the 80s. Add in choreographed dance numbers and you’ve got a show just about as queer as the love child of Perez Hilton and Liza Minnelli.

Surprisingly, the show only has one gay male character, Kurt, and in this last episode he even turned straight for a while. Enter the Mellencamp song. Kurt dons the persona of the Brawny Man in order to try to spend more time with his father who is hanging out with his new girlfriend’s son, who happens to be Kurt’s fellow glee club member, Finn. Talk about drama. Where, oh where, does the straight man fit in?

Actually there have been a few straight anthems. Along with the most recent Mellencamp melody, there have been performances of “Sweet Caroline,” “Can’t Fight This Feeling,” “Gold Digger” and “Don’t Stop Believin’.” Finn fits the mold for the all-American jock and boy next door while Puck, his friend (and his ex-girlfriend’s baby-daddy), is the bad boy of the bunch, both of whom are role models to which young boys in America can look. That or the Catholic Church.

Other than songs to which you straight men can sing, you’ve also got hot babes like Brittany and Santana to look at, even if Brittany thinks her cat’s been reading her diary or that the square root of four is rainbows. There’s also the total GILF Sue Sylvester, or if you’re into sweaters Rachel seems to be a serial dater. And Emma Pillsbury is totally cute even if she has OCD, but I don’t think she can get over Will, so boys move on.

Most importantly though, boys, is the fact that every Tuesday night from 9 to 10, your girlfriend (hopefully my articles on how to dress and pluck your eyebrows have got you a girlfriend) and all her girls and gays are going to be glued to the television watching the show. Sure, you might have to suffer through a few show choir hits, but you’ll find that every once in a while a song you know will come on as well. And you’ve got the smoking hot Sue Sylvester to look at for 45 minutes.

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